Worst Jokes Ever
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a homepage.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What do you call a rich Chinese man? Ching Ching.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!