Worst Jokes Ever
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. 😂
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.