Worst Jokes Ever
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.