Worst Jokes Ever
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Why were the people in the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
you.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...