Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
He sang a love song to a rat, yet stans are befuddled on why people keep calling their idol "Wacko Jacko".
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
