I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
