Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-" me: power button
Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid
Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help!
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel commited suicide five years ago today......
Having an abortion will make you so tired.... it literally sucks the life out you.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on youtube when they say smash the like button? they literally smash the like button ''uuuuuugghghhhgBANG''
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
covid said to stay 6 feet...i didn't think Kobe meant it literally
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room So I said “I guess she wasn’t fealine it” My dad said “you’ve got to be kitten me that was purfect” I said “literally”
Yah hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
Do you know how dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2 liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a fucking dumpster you regret.
literally no one:why cant you hear the pterodactyl random person:i don't know no one:BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT random person:ha cool i guess
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes they literally look this shit up just to complain
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Hang in there you all, Literally.
my back is straighter than i am and i literally have scoliosis
