Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on youtube when they say smash the like button? they literally smash the like button ''uuuuuugghghhhgBANG''
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room So I said “I guess she wasn’t fealine it” My dad said “you’ve got to be kitten me that was purfect” I said “literally”
literally no one:why cant you hear the pterodactyl random person:i don't know no one:BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT random person:ha cool i guess
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid
Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help!
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel commited suicide five years ago today......
Having an abortion will make you so tired.... it literally sucks the life out you.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
covid said to stay 6 feet...i didn't think Kobe meant it literally
Yah hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-" me: power button
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes they literally look this shit up just to complain
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
One day 2 Chinese with broken English go to America. When they arrive they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu they see "hot dog" but since there English is bad, they think its literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back there both surprised and one of them ask "What part of the dog did you get."
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Sniff a liter of petrol You'll go back to the dream time at
