Worst Jokes Ever

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."

What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?

No seriously, what is it?