Worst Jokes Ever

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"

Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

How many children does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.