Best Jokes - Page 15 - Worst Jokes Ever

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."