Time jokes

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

Yo mama so fat, her belly enters the room 10 minutes before she does.

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.