Time jokes
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
Yo mama so fat, her belly enters the room 10 minutes before she does.
Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.
It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
yes do not forget
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What month has 28 days?
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!