Time jokes

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

Why did Jesus create the Devil?

He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

Who is older than the Twin Towers?

Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”