Time jokes

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.

The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.