Time jokes

What does a clock do when he's still hungry?

He goes back "four" seconds!

They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?

Wrong тайминг.

Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?

They wanted some family time.

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"