Time Jokes

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Why’s BBC called BBC?

The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

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What month has 28 days?

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

Why do orphans become criminals?

So they can become wanted for once.

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

Yo mama so old.

Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

Why did Jesus create the Devil?

He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.