Time jokes
Why do orphans become criminals?
So they can become wanted for once.
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵
C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
Gotta dive and cry some more.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.
Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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What month has 28 days?
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."