Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. 2 of my best friends have it and its actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. Its really not funny to joke about depression.
Scoucer at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer by what time is it mate? American replys thats a mad accent were are you from ? Scoucer says liverpool american oh what state is that in? Scoucer looks around and says about the same state as this mate but what time is it?
🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵 C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on It's Penalty time and it won't be long Gotta dive and cry some more It's Penalty time and it won't be long ‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot Cry some more and dive alot. that all i need, because I got u my love, Penalty.
I did a good walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and people live in the house with my dog I had to a dog and
What did a car say hi to? It said hi to the school
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch? He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.
Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Will just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
you mama so fat one punch man had to punch 3 times
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated, we don't need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway, guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!!!"
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf.....s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
Your forehead is so big your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute" I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked. "Ah, so that's how you died"
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for 20$ an hour.
Radiohead had to remake Fake Plastic Trees after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
Son: Dad I had sex for the first time. Dad: Would you like to talk about it? Son: Sure Dad: Sit down and lets talk about it. Son: I can't my butt hurts.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”
That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
