Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.