Time jokes
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Your future.
Gwen, do you have to be so happy all the time? Even you don't get the joke!
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."