Time jokes

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

Worst joke ever.

What is your favorite time of day?

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Where are you right now?

Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

What time is it when you say "bad day?"

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

The last time I ever made a joke was just now.

Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."

You know I wish life was shorter?

I want it over.

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.