Time jokes

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I

I did have a good [time].

What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

Which flies cannot be seen?

Time flies.

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Two Timetravers walk into a bar...

...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."