Time jokes
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.
Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I
Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
I did have a good [time].
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!