Time jokes

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

X: Morning, sunshine!

Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

"It's time to come back." And the boat said,

"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."

I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.

As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.

It's a great way to pass the time.

They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That it will never get old.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.

Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.

Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?

Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.

Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.

How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?

TEN-TICKLES

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.