They're jokes
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"