They're jokes
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"