They're jokes
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.