They're jokes

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.

Don't trust an atom. They're stupid!

What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.

Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?

Because they're good at separating colors.

Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

Nerd: Because they're marsupials.

Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"

I like to make your mom jokes.

Because they're easy like your mom.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.

We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.