They jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.
We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
How do mountains see? They peek.
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.