They jokes

Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!

What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

Why do orphans only have 363 days?

They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

Q: Why are Americans so good at Rubik's cubes?

A: 'Cause they have a history of separating colors.

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Why were the twin towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.