They jokes
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
Memes
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
Why can’t orphans play GTA?
Because they are not wanted.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.