They jokes
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Memes
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.