They jokes
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Victims of 9/11 are the fastest readers. They went through 94 stories in seconds.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
Memes
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
I don't trust atoms. They always make stuff up.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.