They jokes
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
Memes
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.