Theft jokes
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
me when someone steals my prime
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Someone stole my balls :(
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Roses are red, violets are blue, most of your jokes are stolen, is not original to you.
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.
The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.