A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Someone stole my grass today, I went to the police and they said: "What's wrong?" I said "How could you tell something was wrong?" they replied "you were looking forlorn"
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it lead to a lot of people steeling them.
If A wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been MUGGLED?????
Roses are red Get on the ground gimme your stuff get ready to drown.
What are is the best feeling for an Orphan when he playes Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "did you see that?" She says "yes", so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks "did you see that?" "No but my wife did!" The husband said.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen. Just how low can you get.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Somebody stole my joke
So i stole their spinal cord.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run
When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket? -- He was stealing all the samples.
What do you call a otter video game that is about robbing?- Grand Theft Otter!
A guy who just got robbed says "I've been hacked and the hacker ransomware."
My girlfriend dumped me so I stole her weel chair she came crowding back
Why was the emo person dead inside? Because I stole their insides.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately he lost his case.
Why did the ophan rob the bank: Because he/she wanted to be wanted
why did the orphan rob a bank. to be wanted
