Theft Jokes

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

me when someone steals my prime

Homer Simpson is taking a bath and Bart is standing behind him, holding a chair as if he's going to hit Homer.

I know a Chinese joy rider, Tommy Tookamotor.

A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

I don't have any now.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?

Because proper tea is theft.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.

What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).

I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].

I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.

With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.

Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.

Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.

A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.

With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.

Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.

But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.

And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.