To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
Why was the emo person dead inside?
Because I stole their insides.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
