Theft jokes

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?

A: All the rice is gone.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he/she wanted to be wanted!

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Someone stole my balls :(

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Roses are red, violets are blue, most of your jokes are stolen, is not original to you.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"