Theft jokes
Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Why was the emo person dead inside?
Because I stole their insides.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Whoever took my dildo,
I hope you're having a good time.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
I know a Chinese joy rider, Tommy Tookamotor.