That jokes

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.

My [blank] is long and yellow that can't swim.

A school bus full of children.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

I was gonna tell you a pun about a bin but,

bin there, done that.

Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.

You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

(DOORS)

What door is the first door that opens for you?

The elevator to go to the game.

Whoever said that about me better pray!

What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"

Not Stephen Hawking.

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.