That jokes

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!

At school I am always called emo.

Little did they know that emos are wannabe goths.

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.

Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.