That jokes

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?

Father-less.

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.