That jokes
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
Why are orphans not that good at baseball?
They can never hit a homerun.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, I said that's a big word for a seven year old.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.