If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
That Jokes
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Whoever said that about me better pray!
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
So sad that orphans can't watch Family Feud. 😔
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
