That jokes
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.