That jokes

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.

I've seen them hanging all day.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.