That jokes

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get?

Answer: Love.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

What do you call someone that no one loves?

An orphan.

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.