That jokes

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?

Rainbow road.

The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?

Father-less.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.