That jokes

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

I got a sister.

That was a big mistake.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

I want a series too, that will be SANS-tastic!

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.