That jokes

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt

And a person said to me:

"That must be a bit tight round the neck".

Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn't make enough shadow clones to surround her.

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

Do you know Wildee?

What's that?

Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.

I want a series too, that will be SANS-tastic!

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.