Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
That Jokes
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy" 😔
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
