That jokes
Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!