That jokes
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
me every day
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy" 😔
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Roses are red, you are gay, and that's it.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
What do you call an animal that knows karate? Moose Lee 😊😁