Television jokes

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.

How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?

Skelesore.

What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!

"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?

Robot Wars.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!

Chuck Norris once pissed in the tank of a semi as a joke.

It is now known as Optimus Prime.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."