I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?
A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Mmm, I'm Walter McWhitey, I'm from the newest Mexico.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 episodes.
