Television jokes
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Watch BNHA season 4 today!
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
Game of Thrones season 8.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV, I missed 3 episodes!
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.