Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
Television Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV, I missed 3 episodes!
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
