Suicide jokes

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.