Suicide

Suicide jokes

Emo kid

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

Hitler

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

  • 4
  • 9mm

    There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

    Hitler

    what's the difference between hitler and you?

    one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

  • 8
  • Would You Rather

    Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

    Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

    Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

    6 hours later

    Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

    Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?

    Rope

    I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

    Friend

    Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

    Friend: Why?

    Me: So they would hang themselves.

    Self Harm

    If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

    Depression

    Dentist: Open up, sir.

    Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

    Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

    Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

    Dentist: Do you need help??

    Me: Yep.

    Dentist: ...

    Me: ....

    Poison

    A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

    Sex

    I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.

    Emo

    What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

    Time

    When someone tells me to kill myself,

    Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

    Movie

    It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?

    Finding Emo.

    Orphan

    Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

    1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

    Hitler

    What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

    Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.