Suicide jokes
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.