Suicide jokes

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.