Suicide jokes

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.