Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Class

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

House

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

Quitter

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Sweater

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

People

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Fortune

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

Man

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

Boy

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

Dog

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.

Ceiling fan

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Way

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Failure

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Job

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Problem

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.

Finger

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

Way

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.