Suicide jokes
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."