Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Physicist

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Horse

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Tylenol

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

Train

I heard Danielle Smith likes trains.

So I told her to go stand in front of one.

Road

Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.

Bomber

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. šŸ’€šŸ˜ˆ

Hitler

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

Tic Tac

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled ā€œIbuprofenā€ though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

People

Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.

Not to mention and by plane.

Law

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

Difference

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

Part

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

Tree

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

Apple

An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.

Blonde joke

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."