Suicide Jokes

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

I heard Danielle Smith likes trains.

So I told her to go stand in front of one.

Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.

Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.

Not to mention and by plane.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.