Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Guy

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

People

Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.

In fact, they hang with them!

Ass

Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.

Kid

We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.

Dead

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

Laugh

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

Warrant

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

Hangman

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

Failure

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

Bleach

What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?

The depressay expressay.

Just kidding, bleach!

Life

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

Hell

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

Slit

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"

I walked towards him.

"I prefer slit," I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.

Suicide note

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Rape

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.