Crisis jokes

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!

Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.

Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?

Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

Ahh, the coronavirus!

Stop with the 9/11 jokes.

They're not gonna fly.

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."