Crisis jokes
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
Ahh, the coronavirus!