When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
There are 4 people on a airplane and the pilot has a heart attack and dies the plane is going down and there are also only 3 parachutes so the guy who knows how to cure cancer says I’m jumping I can save many lives the the 46 president joe Biden says I’m take ing the 2 one so there is only one left Donald trump says to the 7 year old girl I have lived a long life u an take the next one so the little girl says that’s ok the 46 president took my back pack.lol
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
When knife tells Annoying Orange "I'm trying something new", Annoying Orange said "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs
Stop with the 9\11 jokes. They're not gonna fly.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Cause their computers flashed, Virus blocked!
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
