Suicide jokes

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, it's bleach.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?

Me: Maybe I can hang later...

Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.