Suicide jokes
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
How do you get an emo down from a tree?
Cut the rope!
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.
Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
I know I'm valuable.
I come with a barcode.
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Q: What movie do emos relate the most to?
A: Suicide Squad.
What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.