The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
Suicide Jokes
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
Penis, neck, rope?
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
Let's have toast in the bath.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
