Suicide

Suicide jokes

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

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  • If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

    The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

    Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*