Suffering jokes

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?

His wife died.

My life.

Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?

A: Owwww!!!!!

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!

Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.

The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!