Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Roses are red,
romance is dead,
every day I suffer from existential dread.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
My life.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
How do you know you are blessed by God?
You don’t laugh at, make light of, or enjoy the evils and suffering people are inflicting on themselves and upon each other.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
Oliver Savage's life.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down:
TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY". OK!!!
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
If you're a crucified savior, clap your hands.
