Suffering jokes

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

My joke is:

My life.

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.

Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.

When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.

One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”

Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

My life.

Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.