My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry …I stop soon
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?the mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
stop with the blind jokes…I don’t see the point.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.
Person: why’d you stop?
Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What do you do when your dish washer stops working
Hit your wife harder
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop
i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say ‘Thank God’ and to stop the horse, to say ’ Hallelujah’. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP! The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? You nail its other hand to the floor.
What’s world hunger and a Mercedes got in common? Princess Diana couldn’t stop both of them