Stop Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Jesus took bread and said: "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said: "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa, one stops at the top of the skyscraper.

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Why did Hitler stop playing Golf? He kept getting stuck in the Bunker

How do you say Brazier in German?

Stop em’ from flopp’n (German accent)

My heart says to stop because it hurts Bro chill its really not that deep

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How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self control

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? stopping it with a cricket bat

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."